Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
