Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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