Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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