Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
