we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
