Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
