dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
