I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
