He is such a slut. More and more my type.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I think a kid would responsible me up
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
