I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
