thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
