Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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