I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
be right there i have to get my cape
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
