i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
