the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
