Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
