i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
