i jhust puked up my retainher.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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