Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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