Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Houston, we have a squirter
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
