Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize