dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
