I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Enjoy the penises
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize