Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
