Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
where are you?
Hypothermia
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
