Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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