jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
