That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
