i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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