I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
