i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
