Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
