I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
