No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize