How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
