let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I party with great urgency now.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
