is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
