he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
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