as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
