I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
