I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
How external is "for external use only"?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize