Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
