This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
