you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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