I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
