you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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