evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
