You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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