He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
COCAINE IS GR8
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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