So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
