I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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