i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
