you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Non-Jews are for practice
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
