Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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