as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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