just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
