the new term for farting is butt boxing.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize