after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
