Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
