Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
How external is "for external use only"?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
