hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
