It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It's shark week go big or go home
why does every cop we meet know your name?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
