The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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