i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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