you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
