Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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