Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
