I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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