i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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