bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
