Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
