I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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