Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
