Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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